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The 3 Layers of Connection

This week’s Structure Supports Flow tip is about our words, what we say, and when we say it. Most of the time, when I meet people at events or parties, I hear one of two things.

I hear all about their credentials, certifications or education or I hear some abstract, conceptual “title” – and everything said is all about them, not about who they help.

I’ve been noticing what my mind does with this information for a while now, and what my brain does is dump it into “silos” called “not for me” and “I don’t get it.”

These silos are bad news, because instead of having a referral for someone or perhaps needing their services myself, I file them away because I can’t connect to what they are saying.This makes me sad and I have to stifle the urge to coach them right on the spot. In order to be in the conversational flow, here is a structure that works.

The 3 Layers of Connection

Have what you say at first be a really vivid, really clear description of who your client is and they can be, do or have by working with you. This is all about the clients’ experience and is very tight without elaborating or going into detail.

Next, if the person is engaged or asking questions, it’s time to elaborate a bit. You’ll still focus on the clients’ experience but with a little more detail exploring what they can be, do or have, perhaps telling a story about a specific client.

Then, and only then, if the person is still engaged and it’s become an actual conversation, you can start to talk about your title, your credentials or how you do your work.

This is also the time to introduce and define words you use often – any abstract terms you may use often, such as “empowered,” “vitality” or “energy rich,” etc.

This is a liberating structure that creates flow because it means connection is possible through an authentic back and forth dialogue, rather than a “pitch.”

It’s not about a script or something to memorize, rather what kind of details to share in each layer, so connection deepens and a REAL conversation happens.

Give it a try, and watch how much more comfortable you are, and how much more fun you’re having!

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