We all know we need to take good care of ourselves. We know we should be getting enough sleep, exercise and healthy foods.

Many of us may even be aware we should be meditating regularly, having “alone” or “friend” time on a regular basis and practicing positive affirmations.

I bet you have really great intentions to do it, but how often does that actually happen? Do you actually do what you know you need to do to feel and be your best on a regular basis?

Not so much, right?

While our intentions may be good, taking really good care of ourselves gets overwhelmed by all our commitments, deadlines and caring for others. We end up drained, cranky and impatient, and while we may be going through the motions of work and caring for others, we are certainly not at our best.

You know how on airplanes during the safety talk, they tell us to put our own oxygen mask on first before helping others? If I pass out from lack of oxygen, how am I going to help anyone? The underlying message here – to take care of yourself first, so you can then help others – is loud and clear.

So what’s a busy gal to do?

It may seem counter-intuitive to do so, yet scheduling time in your calendar for self-care practices is a structure that creates amazing amounts of flow. When we’re taking good care of ourselves, we’ll feel happier and it’ll be easier to be flexible and roll with our busy day – whatever it may bring.

If time for self-care is actually on our calendars, the likelihood it will happen increases greatly, and our job is to then protect that time like a terrier with a bone in order to create a habit.

I encourage you to just start, start with scheduling 15 – 30 minutes in your calendar for self-care at least 4 days of the week. This could look like spending time with a friend, getting a massage, going for a run or reading a good book. Anything that makes you feel good!

Bit by bit, you can add to your list of self-care methods and increase the time you spend on you.

If you give this a try, I’d love to hear how you’re doing. Drop me a note at sarah@sparklingresultscoaching.com.

Another thing I hear a lot about from clients and colleagues is the reluctance and resistance to going to networking and other events. They either don’t go at all, or if they do go, it is a super human effort to do so, and once they arrive, they’re really uncomfortable.

This discomfort prevents making genuine connections with others and absolutely zero contacts that could lead to new business.

If you see yourself in this scenario, you can do something about it – you can create your own comfort by bringing a friend or colleague with you. That way, you’ll know at least one other person, and have someone to touch base with throughout the event. This person becomes your structure and helps you be at your best – connected, engaged and articulate.

By having a structure of support, we are more readily able to flow with all that meeting and greeting of new people.

You may be saying to yourself, “Okay, that’s great but what if I don’t have a friend or colleague to bring with me?” First, you probably do have someone in your life who would love to join you. It may not be your closest friend, but someone in your expanded circle would likely jump at the chance, because she’s challenged by these events in the same way you are.

Second, if you really can’t find anyone to go with you, once you are there, create a new friend by connecting with the first person you talk with.

When you walk through the door, take a look around the room and ask yourself, “Who would be best person to connect with first?” Then, walk over to that person with a warm, inviting smile on your face. (Watch yourself here, be sure your smile is not a big, maniacal grin that says “I’m comin’ to getcha”, but a pleasant, open smile).

As you strike up a conversation, do your best to talk about anything BUT work, business or career – at first. Instead, ask them about their life, where they live, their kids, what they do for fun, what makes them happy, etc. Be sure you share about yourself, too, as you would in any new encounter.

At this point, the conversation will naturally flow and you will have made a solid connection with someone who may end up being a great friend, client or supporter. Then for the rest of the event, you’ll have your new friend there, your touchstone who helps you shine.

Give this one a try, it’s a different way to deal with events and make them work for you.  And you may even have fun, too!

You know how many of us have super packed schedules, going from this meeting to that call to that place, to that event? Only to repeat the same the very next day?

That’s a lot of going and doing and rushing without any space to catch our breath or reflect.

When we do not have s p a c e in our schedule, when we are ricocheting from thing to thing, it can create a rushed feeling and cause us to have less patience, less flexibility and less access to our best ideas and our best solutions.

This looks like showing up to pick up your kids running on fumes with little patience or slamming into that important 4 o’clock phone call with your head full of a million unrelated things and unable to be fully present.

Have you been there? Me, too.

When I noticed this, I implemented “Buffer Time” in my schedule before any really important meeting or event where I needed to be at my best.

Buffer Time is scheduling our time with space before and between events, creating a buffer between one activity and the next.

This could look like protecting 15-30 minutes between each event in your calendar of open space, to allow yourself to shift gears and transition to your next activity.

This could look also like adding 30 minutes to a meeting so it appears to start earlier (Pro Tip: Prevent confusion by noting the actual start time in the Event line, e.g. “Pre-Interview Radio Show (10am)” in the calendar starting at 9:30am). This way works especially well if other people have access to your calendar and can schedule any open time you have.

This structure of Buffer Time means that when the kids get in the car or when we get on that important phone call, we have deliberately set ourselves up to be our most present, patient and generous self.

When we are those things, we can more easily roll or flow with any changes, surprises or upsets that may arise. It’s the difference between snapping at your kids and taking a deep breath before you snap.

It means if the person on the important phone call says something that triggers you or hurts your feelings, you can (again) take a deep breath and realize it’s actually not about you, or speak up and clean it up.

These days, I do my best most of the time to have a buffer between nearly everything in my schedule. That doesn’t always happen, but it’s my goal and IF I choose to pack my schedule tightly, I am doing so consciously and deliberately.

Give it a try, even if it is only 5 minutes at first. You will immediately notice you are clearer and more centered, regardless of how busy your day is.

This week’s Structure Supports Flow tip is about our words, what we say, and when we say it. Most of the time, when I meet people at events or parties, I hear one of two things.

I’ve been noticing what my mind does with this information for a while now, and what my brain does is dump it into “silos” called “not for me” and “I don’t get it.”

Give it a try, and watch how much more comfortable you are, and how much more fun you’re having!

Sometimes we get into a phase where every.single.day is planned or scripted, and not just the weekdays. Even weekends aren’t what they used to be, where there was generally less going on, and there was an opportunity to just do the day, without having any plans.

Now, this may sound like an alien concept – having no plans! Imagine, a day when you do not have to be anywhere or do something at a certain time, when you can go with your natural rhythms, that is, doing what feels like the best thing to do – or NOT do, not what you feel you must do.

Some years ago, I began to notice that if I had too long of a stretch without an unscripted day – the whole day – I’d get a little off balance.  I would begin to feel a bit down, my end-of-the-day tiredness seemed to go deeper.

So I instigated “Free Float Days,” for myself, days when I have absolutely nothing on my schedule, so I can do or not do to my heart’s content. 

My Free Float Days certainly don’t happen every week, but I know that I can only go about 3 weeks without a completely open day before my busy schedule (just like yours) starts to affect how I feel.

Establishing such a day takes a little effort, but the most important element in this change of behavior takes my being able to recognize ahead of time that I am over-programmed, before I’m totally drained. That’s the key here – ahead of time.

What I see around me a lot is both women and men going like gangbusters for weeks on end, then collapsing on the couch for a day or two, or longer if they get sick. That’s way too late.

With appointments, kids’ activities, church, etc., you may be thinking “no way I could do that.” But I bet you could – and I bet your family could benefit too – we are ALL over-programmed, even our children. 

One Free Float Day a month or every other month may be just enough for you, while keeping up with all the goings on of life and family.

Begin to notice if you wake up on a Saturday and feel drained just thinking about all the plans for the weekend. If that’s the case, I encourage you to go to your calendar now, and schedule a day soon for a full Free Float Day.

For just one day once and awhile, you and your family can skip a normal day and celebrate ​just being. Normal will return soon enough the next morning.

On this day, you don’t have to do absolutely nothing (although that’s is fine, too). It means there are not any “hard stops,” when you must be somewhere at an exact time.

Instead, if it feels like a good idea to go to the park with your kids, do that or if what you feel like doing is reading a book or weeding your garden, go right ahead. It’s about eliminating the rushing and the “busy” state of mind.

Then, you can experiment with how often you need to have a Free Float Day and see what feels right to you – balancing all the goings-on with days to just float and flow.

I saw the coolest “structure” the other day that was a very crafty banner with “Just F*?#ing Do It” written on paper circles as a reminder to get things done. Each circle was creatively decorated “just-so” and it hung on a wall in her office so she saw it every day.

It was so unique and individual to that person, it got me thinking.

Structures can and should be individualized to suit YOU, and your habits, proclivities and patterns.

And I bet that you already have some structures you use daily to support flow – you just haven’t identified them as such.

You may have already surrounded yourself in your workspace with pictures, a small vase for a pens, a photograph of those dear to you. Good!

If not, think about putting such things on your desk or worktable or nearby. They make you feel good and are a great example of a structure that helps you flow.

Let’s open it up and explore some other easily ideas for structures that support flow:

• Stickie notes in your home, office, bathroom about how you’d like to FEEL
• A piece of jewelry that reminds you of your core values
• A dish or bowl by the front door for your keys
• A basket for papers that need to be filed
• A notepad in the car to jot some ideas on-the-go
• A journal next to your yoga mat to remind you to write
• Fashion emergency kit in your car (fabric tape, lint roller, static spray)
• Workout clothes laid out and ready to go the night before
• Easy and healthy recipes you love to eat and make you feel good

Notice what structures you already have in place that are supporting you and get creative.

As you see a need for a new one, this is your permission to create ANYTHING you want that supports you to be your best self as much as possible.

Have fun with it!

One of the things I focus on in my work is helping people get out of being overwhelmed and too much busyness.

All this “doing” means that we can get stuck in doing, at the expense of our peace of mind and how we feel day to day (to say nothing of how other people in our world may feel when we’re this way).

I find myself talking about this so often, I will started to send weekly tips about how to use Structures in your life to Support Flow and ease.

I am going to start off with one that is near and dear to my heart. It is so partly because it is an incredibly productive practice AND it was the first thing I discovered in my own life to avoid being in that “doing” mode all day every day.

[Structure Supports Flow]

I call it Productive Puttering because while it is super-productive, it is so without being linear, methodical or results-oriented. I am puttering and getting a ton done, and my head is clear and it’s FUN!

It doesn’t matter how it gets done, stuff is getting done and finished. But it’s getting done in a non-linear way without the pressure that having a To-Do list brings because of that need for focus.

What I do is set an alarm for an hour or two, and write a short list of only 3-5 items that will only take 5-10 minutes to complete.

Once I have the structure of the alarm and the short list of quick tasks, I give myself permission to do what I am guided to do, what pops into my head without any pressure to actually finish any one thing.

Then, I just go with whatever occurs to me: finish that email, get the mail, do the dishes, whatever it is. Every once and awhile I will pick an item from my short list and do that: make a call, figure out my travel dates for an upcoming trip, etc.

The alarm and the short task list are the structures and the flow is you get to do it any ol’ way you want to.

Try this for yourself and see for yourself just how much you can get done, and more importantly, how you feel afterwards. Clear headed, accomplished and without overwhelm, is my bet.

A couple of things to keep in mind: this is not the time to watch TV or scroll through Facebook, but rather a time for “working” in a relaxed and easy manner. This is a practice to use in addition to the more focused and linear time you spend making progress or completing a project.

I wish I could say you can do this all day every day, but it’s meant to compliment and add balance in your day and in your life.

I discovered this by accident when I noticed that sometimes when I had an uninterrupted and unscripted block of time, this is what I did naturally. I was stunned to realize just how much I accomplished when I did not have the pressure to finish something.

Give it a try this week and let me know how you feel and what you think. I’m excited to hear what you find for yourself!

If you know me, you know I’m all about Love (see photo of the “Love Notes” I’ve been giving away for a few years).

I define Love as not just romantic Love, but Love as affinity, Love as connection, and truly — Love as the thing that makes the world go ‘round.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I’d like to talk about Love as a philosophy and infusing it into places we may not think is appropriate. If we come from the perspective that Love is limited to romantic or familial Love, then it may not seem obvious that it can be part of our business or professional relationships as well.

But it can. Love can be found in appreciating someone, understanding another’s perspective, compassion for someone going through a hard time and honoring another’s upset with an apology, regardless of how uncomfortable it is.

Love can be anywhere we allow it to be, and it is there if we look for it. Yet rather than look for it to be present or not present, seeking to find it with “How” questions:

“How is Love showing up today?”
“How am I infusing every relationship with Love?”
“How can I spread more Love throughout my day?”

So here’s to Love, in all the myriad, beautiful expressions and manifestations of it.

What do you think? How is Love present in your life and business?

Happy Holidays, y’all!

I’m here to talk about gratitude after Thanksgiving because last year, I noticed a distinct decline in expressions of gratitude.

While it’s totally understandable that our focus on being grateful would evaporate amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it got me thinking maybe it didn’t have to be this way.

What if Thanksgiving was merely the start of a whole Season of Gratitude?

So last year that’s how I conducted the entire holiday season from Thanksgiving until New Years, focusing on what I was grateful for in my life.

It was pretty cool. I was calmer, everything was easier and despite the busy-busy, I had a ton of fun.

Given it takes 21 days to create a new habit, it set up the New Year with a solid foundation of a gratitude practice.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to adopt a Season of Gratitude – or adapt it – for yourself and see what happens and how you feel.