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Toss the Script + Stop Feeling Salesy

70% communication is NON VERBAL, which means WHO YOU ARE BEING in your Sales Conversations is MORE IMPORTANT than you are SAYING or DOING.

It’s how you “show up,” and WHO you show up as.  

Are confident and solid, or meek and unsure of yourself? Perhaps you’re over-compensating, what I call a “proving energy?”

Whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not, people SENSE your confidence and your doubts, they FEEL your energy.

If you’re using strategies or scripts that feel SLIMEY, it’s a good indication they’re not aligned with what you’ve learned.  

Who you’re BEING, your alignment and “relatability” – are you coming across as yourself, really and truly yourself? Or did you contort a little?

What You’re OFFERING, your Outcomes, Benefits and Testimonials – what are you promising, is it a follow my way system or guidance to find they’re own way, are you using “outlier” testimonials and case studies?

How you’re SHOWING UP in the actual SALES PROCESS, your Networking, Connection Calls and Sales Conversations – are you using scarcity in an inauthentic way? Are you pressuring folks or using manipulating tactics?

Some questions to help you discover YOUR OWN way:

  • What you’re causing with your work and HOW you want to cause it?
  • What drives you and your core values?
  • What feels good to you to receive AND what feels gross? (Lots of insight in what you don’t like.)
  • When has marketing and sales felt 100% authentic, fun and aligned? What were you doing or saying, and who were you BEING?

You must find you own way.

What do you see for yourself here? Where have you note found your own way yet? 


If you think the only time you’re having a Sales Conversation is when you’re doing a Clarity / Discovery Session, you’re leaving money on the table.

I say Sales is Leadership because it starts at the beginning and YOUR leadership of the relationship will be the DECIDING factor of whether you can:

  1. a) NOTICE the signals and signs of a potential client
  2. b) RECOGNIZE they need what you have to offer
  3. c) KNOW when to ask permission to actually talk about how you can help them

It’s a PROCESS, carrying you from that first conversation through to any and all interactions you may have in the future.

NOTE: I do not mean you are “selling” all the time. I mean that you are in the Sales Conversation Process, because even if THEY don’t need you, someone they know might.

It’s ONLY about what you say, what they say and your intentional listening of what they say.

+++ Initial Conversation – It starts at the very beginning, the first time you meet or interact with someone. Not necessarily consciously, but the Sales Conversation Process starts right then.

YOUR JOB HERE: Listen to hear if any they say is a signal or cue that they’re a potential client.

+++ Relationship Conversations – It continues with any interaction you have with them in the future, your connecting again after the initial meeting and ALL subsequent interactions, too.

YOUR JOB HERE: Figure out if they’re a potential client and connecting the dots for those who haven’t realized you can help them yet.

+++ Sales / Clarity / Discovery Conversation – The actual Sales Conversation with questions about what they NEED – and KNOW they NEED, and what they WANT, desire or intentions.

YOUR JOB HERE: Help them identify what is getting in their way and understanding if what you have (your services) fits their needs or challenges.

+++ Follow Up Conversations – Building connection after either a Sales Conversation or a few months later to catch up, this one is about continuing to be listening for any ways you can help them.

YOUR JOB HERE: Connecting more and listening for if anything has changed creating ways for you to help.

I know for some of you understanding this feels exciting and liberating and for others, scary and daunting.

What’s coming up for you? Let me know, I’m here! <3


It’s about them, not you.

Getting to know people does not mean selling to people.

Not yet at least.

Here’s the thing. At the very beginning not about selling YET, and it may NEVER be.

But I hear so often that folks don’t like talking or interacting with people about their business because it feels sales-y.

When I dig into this with clients, they say they don’t want to talk about what they do and have to convince someone to sign up.

If that’s you, listen up because that is only going to get worse because if you’re worried about being sales-y, you will come across as sales-y to other people.

(It’s one of those which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg types of things.)

You’ve got to shift that belief of “if I tell people about my work, they’ll think I’m selling to them” to “I tell people about my work so they know what I do.”

It’s about communication at this point, not selling.

It’s about them understanding what you do in a way they can easily grasp so they can connect whether they or someone they know needs you.

That’s it.

What is more, if you’re serious about finding clients, this initial conversation is not about YOU at all.

You’re focused on them, who they are, what they need and what they want. You ask questions, you show a genuine interest in who they are and LISTEN intentionally.

You’re listening to cues that they need what you have.

You’re listening for what they need that someone you know has.

You’re listening to see if they’re business may have a similar clientele as yours.

If they’re a potential client, they’ll make that clear through what they say and no, they wont say “I want to hire you to help me” right there and then.

But seemingly out of the blue they’ll tell you about the ways they’re struggling with exactly what you can help them with.

When that happens, it’s time to invite them into a deeper conversation with you to continue the conversation.

And even then, except in some really obvious and RARE cases, it’s STILL not time to talk sales.

Have that deeper conversation and really get to know them, only then will you know for SURE if it’s time to invite them into a Sales Conversation.

But at the start, online or offline, it’s ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU. Focus on their needs and desires, and don’t focus on the sale. The sale will happen naturally IF it’s aligned.



Do You Get Freaked Out By Sales?

Recently I’ve been reflecting a lot on 5 years ago and my first wonky attempts at sales. Back 5 summers ago when I was just getting use to the idea that I had to sell. I KNEW I did right from the start but man, I really didn’t want to.

It was July when I heard loud and clear in my head, “We don’t want to sell!” To which I replied, “then we have to get a job,” given I’d been laid off a couple months earlier. The response was “Ok, we’ll sell.”

I don’t know about y’all, but when a thought is THAT loud and noticeable, I always pay attention. Given we have 200 conscious thoughts for every 11 MILLION unconscious ones, imagine how loud it is in my subconscious where all our limiting beliefs are stored. Yikes.

Somehow I got my first client even though I was a complete mess internally, and somehow I knew enough about sales to ask questions and figure out if I could help them. But it was all over the place and inside I was so freaked out.

I found an amazing sales coach a few months later and immediately tripled my revenue, and actually — amazingly, stunningly — won a sales competition about 6 months later. I won because I could enroll a multi-thousand dollar package and I would not have won had I not enrolled Pam in a $2500 program.

I went to that sales competition event because I knew if I asked dozens of people for money in a short time, all the little niggling fears and doubts about selling would go away.

And they did, because sales takes practice. Sales takes doing it again and again and again. I’ve probably had 600+ sales conversations over the last 5 years and it’s a BIG part of why I’m so comfortable with it.

But for y’all getting going with sales, or those who’ve been out there selling despite freaking out inside, what I want you to hear is that you CAN get comfortable with sales.

You can get to the point where you are only thinking of the other person during your conversations, instead of your head being filled with chirps of “she’s going to say no,” “she doesn’t have the money,” or “what if she feels pressured”.

You REALLY can — with practice and with the right support. I know you may not be able to see it or believe it yet, but I am living proof and YOU are just like me.

The question really whether you really WANT to get comfortable with Sales.

Our limiting beliefs about sales can be so big that we can distract ourselves with posts and funnels and videos, rather than doing the inner and outer work it takes to get comfortable selling.





It’s a downward spiral of overwork, under-appreciated and not making enough money.

You think you it’s your funnel, your posts, your videos (or lack thereof), and while those things may need to be tweaked, the real reason you’re not closing more sales and making more money is once you get on the phone with people, YOU CHANGE.

Your energy shifts and you show up differently. You’re you, just a little off.

But they feel it. They feel ALL of it.

But you’ve drunk the cool aid and want to get folks to click and buy without already having the numbers, the audience or big ad budget it takes (not to mention the brand recognition that is needed too).

We’ve all been there. Bombarded with emails and posts with offers promising THE crucial piece you must have in your business if you’re really want to make BIG money or some such.

Yes, your conversations need work and your script if you’ve got one isn’t working for you.

But the real reason you’re not closing more sales is your MINDSET, what you believe to be possible + doubts about your goals or intentions.

You’re a little ticked off people don’t ask to work with you or immediately say yes.

You feel you deserve success and the money that comes with it.

And your bring that attitude (and yes, it’s an attitude) to your conversations, posts, videos and interactions online.

It’s this kind of chip on your shoulder thing that I call a proving energy.

Understandably it’s super frustrating if business hasn’t been booming and you feel like no one is listening to you or getting it. You may feel like screaming or ranting but if ANY of that comes out in your marketing and sales that shit’s gonna slow you down and make it damn hard to attract and enroll clients.

When we’re in a proving energy, people may feel an unconscious resistance that we likely couldn’t even identify, describe or articulate.

When we’re in that space, put simply: WE CAN’T HEAR YOU. At all.

And we’re certainly not going to buy from you.

One of my gifts is being able to see these energy leaks as I call them and notice the subtle, barely-there-but-there resistance to what you’re saying or asking of me.

So what to do?

You’ve got to get square within yourself about everything that has got you frustrated so you can show up in a way that is more spacious, welcoming and open.

Mindset, mindset, mindset work on all that frustration, impatience and pissed-offed-ness.

Visibility is about showing up in the RIGHT ENERGY. Not just showing up.





You want to make more money, but you’re filling your time with bullshit, NON-REVENUE / MONEY generating activities.

You’re EXPECTING Fb Posts to convert and getting upset when they don’t.

You’re collaborating on boondoggle projects that don’t MAKE ANY MONEY.

You’re pricing your services so low, you’re working all the time to make enough money.

You’re focused on LONG TERM strategies, and not short term ones.

So that’s a problem, filling your time with the wrong stuff. 

But that’s not nearly as big a problem as YOU HAVE NO TIME TO SELL. 

I’ve had clients who came to me wanting to make more money but when a potential client popped up (as they always do), they didn’t have time in their calendar for 1 or 2 weeks. 

Noooooooo! That’s not going to work. 

When someone reaches out and asks about your services or bubbles to the surface online, they are BUYING in that moment. Right then. 

Lovingly and gently guide them through your sales process but direct them to the next step or get them into your calendar RIGHT AWAY.

Same thing goes for if you have an event or online webinar, don’t ask them to wait to buy or get signed up.

[And if you’re doing this because it creates the perception that you’re SO busy and successful that you don’t have time, that’s bullshit and you’re losing sales.]

You MUST find a way to have SPACE in your calendar to RECEIVE the new clients that are coming your way.

How spacious is your calendar? Do you have “buffer” time in your day for the unexpected sales call or the online buyer looking for some information?



Marketing in an Echo Chamber


Have you noticed that everyone kinda sounds the same?

Even if it’s slightly different, it’s the same questions, the same structure or format, the same words and the same promises.

There is a good reason for this, because many of us have taken similar business/marketing courses teaching similar material – because it works.

However, it’s begun to sound like an echo chamber a lot of the time and I find myself skimming over really worthwhile stuff because I just can’t hear it again.

But here’s what’s REALLY going on:

When we do this, we leave ourselves out – our beautiful, quirky, brilliant selves – OUT of it.

It feels canned, scripted and most importantly, we can not FEEL you and we can’t feel your heart.

Not fully and not enough to have you stick in our minds or hearts.

What I know is that you are all HEART and I want to feel that.

So, for the love of all that is holy, please make sure your marketing – all of it: words, webpages, strategies, conversations, pricing / packages is TAILORED for you.

Just you. No one else. <3


Getting YOU into your Marketing

Coach yourself promptFor all you sparkly coaches, healers and experts, I know you want to share your awesome knowledge WITHOUT being sales-y or hype-y — here’s a marketing prompt that does just that.

Instead of saying “this is what I know,” which may not feel right and may be off putting to others, share how you COACH YOURSELF.

The power here is letting others see, hear and experience your expertise without ever even implying “I’m an expert.”

I love this prompt, use it all the time myself and suggest it to clients, as it’s a SHOW rather than a TELL – and that’s powerful.

Give air to all those transformational thoughts you have in your head, the ones where you are helping yourself.

— What are you saying to yourself that others could benefit from hearing?
— Something that if applied to other people, would be excellent advice.
— It could be something you wish you could broadcast to everyone on the planet, you think it’s that important.

This idea came out of a morning last summer when I had woken up feeling kind of funky, and I had a full day of clients scheduled. So up until my first call at 10am, my sole focus was “putting myself back together.”

Asking myself what do I need now or next – all with the goal to feel MUCH better in a couple of hours. There was breakfast, a shower, meditation, going to the beach for 15 minutes, and for nearly 3 hours, all I did was focus on making myself feel better.

It was in one of those “man, I really need to get over myself” moments when I realized other people could probably get a lot from hearing about the process I took myself through that morning. So I did a 1 minute video andCoach Yourself was born.

Give this a try + see how it feels for yourself.

How have you coached yourself lately? (Cuz I know you have.) <3


Hiding in Plain Sight

Hiding in Plain SightWe know we need to be visible in our marketing, right?

That in order to help people and grow our businesses folks need to be able to find us easily online and off. But what if being visible isn’t enough?

Something I’ve said at times during this whole entrepreneur journey has been “I’ve kinda been hiding in plain sight,” knowing I wasn’t really bringing ALL of myself to the table.

Sure, I was marketing, posting, speaking and doing the things I know to do.

But what I’ve realized in those moments is that I was also bobbing and weaving. I wasn’t really, truly and for reals, owning the ALL of who I am and what my work is.

Most recently, last year I saw that with all the wonderful training, coaching and mentoring I’ve received, I’d been solely focused in my marketing on the results – the tangible, tactile (or nearly so) outcomes.

I literally never once in my marketing had mentioned the growth and expansion I guide clients through, so they stand solidly in their power (and stop giving away it away on a silver platter).

I was hiding in plain sight – there but not all there.

As I began to lead with a different marketing message focused also on growth and the inner work, so many people asked me if this was something new in my business but it wasn’t.

When you work with me, you always get the inner growth work and the outer doing work that is required to actually get those results.

Look for yourself, where may you be holding yourself back — even just a little bit — in your marketing or promotions? Start there and just noticing the tendancy will help you change it. <3


We’re doing it again!

Watch the Video

I sit before you once again – no make up – and this time MUCH more comfortable about it all.

Wanting to stretch myself even more, I thought long and hard about what I could do or say that would feel vulnerable – and aha:

My senior year in college I lost most of my hair. I had alopecia areata – if you’ve heard of it, it’s the kind that grows back.

Circular bald patches started appearing, progressing to *just enough* hair. I did, after all, start out with a whole lot of it.

I got a wig just about the time that it started re-growing (thank you!). I went from somewhat stringy (for me) shoulder length brown hair to a very dramatic RED bob with bangs (like Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction but red). It was pretty drastic.

When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself. My father didn’t recognize me at the airport; when I got carded I had to prompt them to look at the eyes. Odd.

Funny thing was, after spring break when I returned to campus without the wig and it was OBVIOUS I had been wearing a wig, I did not care.

I felt SO RELIEVED. I hadn’t been aware of it before, but the minute I took the wig off, I realized I hadn’t felt like me AT ALL.

It may have been one of the first and most powerful “screw it” moments of my life. I couldn’t have cared less – I finally felt like ME again. That’s all that mattered.

Writing this now, I just realized that’s why I had to tell THIS story, because that “feeling like me” is part of what Project: YOU is all about.

So here I am telling on myself, because due to a lot of clamor of interest, we’re going to be doing another round of Project: YOU starting on January 18th.

The first round knocked my socks off:

“I’ve been in a lot of group challenges and this is the best one I’ve experienced. I could SEE real transformation happening before my eyes.”

“I started to look at myself the way others see me. I’m more confident in myself and it makes me want to go out and do new things.”

“My email list is more responsive telling me they’re glad I shared so authentically and vulnerably.”

The Process:
Week 1: Shake It Out – Let Go of What You Think You Should Look Like

  • Let go of fears about what you look like – and learn how others SEE you.

Week 2: Let It Out – Show Your Quirky, Unique Side, Your Perspectives

  • Show your quirky side – the YOU of YOU – and allow yourself to be cheered on for it.

Week 3: Own It – Share Your Business Expertise, Messaging + “On Brand”

  • Start sharing your business expertise in video in a way that feels good (and isn’t sales-y or hype-y).

The Growth:

  • Be comfortable showing your face in pictures and video, so you get out of your head and get to BE YOU.
  • Get your videos done faster and stop over-thinking what you’re going to say.
  • Build trust with folks quickly because you’re no longer hiding and clearly show you know your stuff.

All so you begin marketing yourself and your business in a way that feels like you – because it IS you, so clients and money come more easily.

Be sure to sign up – it’s totally FREE – https://sparklingresultscoaching.com/project-you/

If even reading this email is making you nervous, then yeah, this is for you. We’ll work it out it together in a safe, supportive space.