If you’re like many people I talk to, you’re tired of the hype-y, slimey Sales Conversation tactics that leave you feeling like you have to pressure or convince potential clients to work with you.

It feels gross — you know it, they know it. You’ve been pressured or shamed, I’ve been pressured or shamed. 

What that creates though when you’re out there talking about your work and selling is an inclination to OVERCORRECT. 

You’re so afraid of making people feel like that, you go light in your sales conversations, not asking the hard questions and not really exploring what they need or their pain points.  

And you feel icky and worried the whole time about whether you’re making them feel pressured or shamed. 

I’m all about helping you END all that doubt and sell with confidence because you’ve found YOUR way to sell that feels like you. 

It’s about knowing how to deliberately navigate anything that gets said and with that, easily enrolling more clients.

Look for yourself, where do you fall on the “coming on too strong” vs. “going too light” spectrum in your sales conversations?

Understanding your relationship to pressure is key to having power without slime in your sales conversations.  <3

[Needs to Be Said]

Perhaps I’ve been to too many 3 day events, retreats, masterminds and coaching industry events, but we’ve really got to talk about the utter lack of SUBSTANCE going on in our industry. 

The Lifestyle Brand is dead, and has been for awhile.

People are sick of the slick, perfect pictures from the photoshoot in Paris. But it’s STILL going on and it’s set a tone that I see seeping into our in-person events. 

It’s all hype, flash and shimmer without the SUBSTANCE. GRAVITAS. DEPTH.

The best I can articulate it is as some sort of fashion contest. 

Who’s got the best dress? 

Who’s got the cutest outfit?

Who’s most unique?

MOST of this is subconscious behavior fueled by survival instincts that have us women ever-so-subtlety competing with each other, even while we speak of building each other up and supporting each other. 

But it’s ironic because most of us are committed to massive transformation, expansion and growth — for ourselves and our clients.

We all like to dress up and look nice but c’mom. It’s not the red carpet.  

So wear your pretty dresses and skirts and faux pantsuits (non matching pants and jacket), wear your dark jeans and beautiful blouse with cool jewelry. 

You do YOU of course but for the record:

It’s not the place for tight as hell body-conscious dresses and cage / bondage-inspired shoes. That’s for a nightclub (if that’s your style), not a networking event or industry conference. It’s not professional and seems incongruent to the environment. 

And much, MUCH more importantly, we need to make a collective decision — are we here to have dress up contests where who’s cutest wins or are we here to profoundly and irrevocably change people’s lives?  

Because the fashion contest creates the damaging comparison loop that has online coaches striving to be the next It Girl of the coaching industry. (There’s an actual brand based on this, btw.)

I don’t know about you but I have the chops, the substance and the depth, broad and extensive expertise. My work is backed up by years in business, years of training, refinement and personal growth. 

I personally don’t want to be an It Girl or to be the winner of something that seems way too much like a popularity contest. 

We can most definitely change lives AND look cute, too but let’s put a stop to the fashion-plate, dress up, runway show party show.

We are SO much more than that. 

Thoughts? Have you seen this too? 

<3

Let’s talk integrity and judgment and competition.

We give what we want to get.

We assume that others want the same things.

We judge them when they do something differently that we would.

We judge them when they adhere to different values than we do.

On the inside, yes all the time. On the outside, expressed sometimes too.

There are people in our industry that do not have the skills, the background or the capacity to do what they do.

There are people in our industry selling online and then disappearing and not delivering on the promised work.

There are people in our industry outright scamming their clients, their teams and their vendors.

All of this is true. The question is how much time, energy and brain space are you giving these people?

If you feel compelled to call out unscrupulous people publicly, those without integrity who are giving us all a bad name, that’s your right and prerogative.  

That’s one thing.

What I want to talk about is the rampant judgment going on in our industry.

There is a lot of looking outwards and comparing and judging others in the name of integrity, calling out certain people specifically or a type of coach.

Just because you don’t agree or like how the person got there (their experience) or the person’s perspective or vantage point.

Just because someone is doing something you don’t agree with doesn’t make what they’re doing reprehensible or wrong.

And when comparison and judgment are going on, you can be sure there is also competition going on – even if unconsciously so.

The next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to another or judging someone else’s work or business, pause for a second and check in to see if there is any competition there too. However subtle, I bet you’ll find a little tiny bit.

I know when I catch myself, I can find a little of it there and it’s humbling. But the point is, if we can name it and identify it, we have a much better chance of shifting out of it.

Check in with yourself, when was the last time you compared yourself or judged someone else?

<3

(Or, how the Fb Algorithm Messes with Your Confidence, Excitement and Money)

You’ve heard of the Facebook algorithm, and you may think you get it, but not well enough given what I see.

The algorithm means a small, small portion of people see your posts, ads, videos — even in groups!

Like a tiny, tiny percentage.

Facebook recently again has changed the algorithm and it’s even harder to get in front of an organic – UNPAID, NON ADVERTISING – audience.

Your personal page is a bit better, but in general anything you post is NOT being seen by very many people.

Or, more bluntly NOTHING you post is being seen.

The algorithm limits who receives your post in their feed, and then we have to factor in whether or not that person is on Fb in that timeframe in order to see it. Can you see how limited that is?

Part of this is managing expectations and from a marketing standpoint, we have got to assume that very few people are actually seeing what you post.

Since marketing is about numbers and eyeballs to a certain extent, if it’s that limited, which it is on Facebook, you’re going to struggle finding and getting clients if your ONLY strategy is Facebook. 

This begins a spiral of doubt and uncertainty: you judge how well your message is connecting and attracting clients or NOT.

• You start worrying no one wants what you do.
• You start spinning out.
• You start wondering why it seems to work for everyone else. (It’s not, and they’re either doing other marketing strategies or not making money).
• You start thinking there is something wrong with you.

And it’s an instant confidence killer when it doesn’t get a ton of likes. When no one says yes or signs up.

So there is the vicious cycle thing that goes on where it dings your confidence a little, or a lot, you get a little less excited and start to spiral into doubt. 

While there are some who focus primarily on Fb, and do quite well, UNTIL YOU’RE THERE, YOU’RE NOT THERE.

You’ll also often find they are also doing other strategies and have an email list of 2000 AT LEAST. 

Here’s the thing posting to Facebook is ONE of MANY strategies you could be using in your marketing and sales. It should not be the ONLY one.

I’m shining a big ole light on this because I see so many entrepreneurs whose only marketing strategy is Facebook, and not Fb Ads (which are awesome).

If you want your business to work, you should have 2-3 solid marketing strategies that are NOT ONLINE. You can focus exclusively online when you have the NUMBERS.

For now, until you have those numbers, I promise you there are strategies you’d enjoy other than Facebook and chances are you just haven’t been exposed to what those may be.

If you’re committed to only posting to Facebook, I really do wish you good luck, just keep in this in mind before you decide that your business sucks, your work sucks and you suck.

You don’t, you’re just not getting in front of enough people.

What other strategies do you do besides Facebook? <3

And Beating Up on Yourself or Giving Up When It Doesn’t Happen. 

Building a business takes absolute commitment, tenacity and resilience – and you have to want it more than you’ve wanted anything else in your life.

I hear this from potential clients on the phone who tell me how their funnel didn’t work, or the signature talk they paid such good money for isn’t converting or how their sales calls always end up with it not being the right time for people.

I see this in videos and posts where you can FEEL how pissed, resentful, frustrated and downright indignant they are. They’re pissed people aren’t begging them for their services and upset the didn’t get thousands of sign ups for a webinar or dozens of clients during a launch.

You see numerous posts every.single.day that attest to 0 to 6 Figure Success Stories and offers from coaches promising that they’re WAY is going to get you there.

Real overnight success stories are RARE, and usually involve some crazy, one-off opportunity, introduction or random occurrence. They do happen for sure, but they are unicorn-rare.

The rest of the overnight success stories have been edited or time collapsed. I once saw a coach forget about 5 years of struggle and zero clients, after she made $100k+ in less than 9 months.

So let’s be honest, building a business takes work and at times working even though you don’t want to. There is no magic bullet and roadmap or blueprint to get you there.

All of those things can speed up the process, making it MUCH less painful and help you avoid making rookie mistakes but no ONE thing is going to get you there.

It’s a combination of many, many things – mindset, messaging, marketing, positioning, consistency, visibility, your money story, your ability to be comfortable and yourself while selling, etc. etc.

But do you notice I didn’t list any ONE specific thing?

I didn’t mention a funnel or video or posting on Fb because it ALL matters but no ONE thing matters.

I don’t mean you need ALL of the things, and I do want to impress upon you that you are learning and growing and getting better at these new skills and habits all the things each day.

But the learning curve is straight up vertical and it will test your soul and stamina.

It’s so easy to look at everyone else and decide something is wrong with you or no one wants what you offer. It’s so easy to look at everyone else beat yourself up for not being more like they are.

This is where staying focused on ourselves can get especially tricky for women:

Our feminine survival instinct to stay connected to other people means that we are CONSTANTLY looking outwards and assessing what others are doing or saying and anticipating what other people want from us.

So the thing to do is start noticing when that external focus kicks in and the doubts start flying in your head about whether you should change or alter or shift.

Notice it and start slowing down and considering that change before you do it.

Most of the time, you’ll see that if you check in with yourself, you should continue on exactly as you’d planned because that is the MOST aligned path for you.

<3

70% communication is NON VERBAL, which means WHO YOU ARE BEING in your Sales Conversations is MORE IMPORTANT than you are SAYING or DOING.

It’s how you “show up,” and WHO you show up as.  

Are confident and solid, or meek and unsure of yourself? Perhaps you’re over-compensating, what I call a “proving energy?”

Whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not, people SENSE your confidence and your doubts, they FEEL your energy.

If you’re using strategies or scripts that feel SLIMEY, it’s a good indication they’re not aligned with what you’ve learned.  

→ Who you’re BEING, your alignment and “relatability” – are you coming across as yourself, really and truly yourself? Or did you contort a little?

→ What You’re OFFERING, your Outcomes, Benefits and Testimonials – what are you promising, is it a follow my way system or guidance to find they’re own way, are you using “outlier” testimonials and case studies?

→ How you’re SHOWING UP in the actual SALES PROCESS, your Networking, Connection Calls and Sales Conversations – are you using scarcity in an inauthentic way? Are you pressuring folks or using manipulating tactics?

Some questions to help you discover YOUR OWN way:

• What you’re causing with your work and HOW you want to cause it?
• What drives you and your core values?
• What feels good to you to receive AND what feels gross? (Lots of insight in what you don’t like.)
• When has marketing and sales felt 100% authentic, fun and aligned? What were you doing or saying, and who were you BEING?

→ You must find you own way.

What do you see for yourself here? Where have you note found your own way yet? 

If you think the only time you’re having a Sales Conversation is when you’re doing a Clarity / Discovery Session, you’re leaving money on the table.

I say Sales is Leadership because it starts at the beginning and YOUR leadership of the relationship will be the DECIDING factor of whether you can:

1. a) NOTICE the signals and signs of a potential client
2. b) RECOGNIZE they need what you have to offer
3. c) KNOW when to ask permission to actually talk about how you can help them

It’s a PROCESS, carrying you from that first conversation through to any and all interactions you may have in the future.

NOTE: I do not mean you are “selling” all the time. I mean that you are in the Sales Conversation Process, because even if THEY don’t need you, someone they know might.

It’s ONLY about what you say, what they say and your intentional listening of what they say.

+++ Initial Conversation – It starts at the very beginning, the first time you meet or interact with someone. Not necessarily consciously, but the Sales Conversation Process starts right then.

YOUR JOB HERE: Listen to hear if any they say is a signal or cue that they’re a potential client.

+++ Relationship Conversations – It continues with any interaction you have with them in the future, your connecting again after the initial meeting and ALL subsequent interactions, too.

YOUR JOB HERE: Figure out if they’re a potential client and connecting the dots for those who haven’t realized you can help them yet.

+++ Sales / Clarity / Discovery Conversation – The actual Sales Conversation with questions about what they NEED – and KNOW they NEED, and what they WANT, desire or intentions.

YOUR JOB HERE: Help them identify what is getting in their way and understanding if what you have (your services) fits their needs or challenges.

+++ Follow Up Conversations – Building connection after either a Sales Conversation or a few months later to catch up, this one is about continuing to be listening for any ways you can help them.

YOUR JOB HERE: Connecting more and listening for if anything has changed creating ways for you to help.

I know for some of you understanding this feels exciting and liberating and for others, scary and daunting.

What’s coming up for you? Let me know, I’m here! <3

It’s about them, not you.

Getting to know people does not mean selling to people.

Not yet at least.

Here’s the thing. At the very beginning not about selling YET, and it may NEVER be.

But I hear so often that folks don’t like talking or interacting with people about their business because it feels sales-y.

When I dig into this with clients, they say they don’t want to talk about what they do and have to convince someone to sign up.

If that’s you, listen up because that is only going to get worse because if you’re worried about being sales-y, you will come across as sales-y to other people.

(It’s one of those which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg types of things.)

You’ve got to shift that belief of “if I tell people about my work, they’ll think I’m selling to them” to “I tell people about my work so they know what I do.”

It’s about communication at this point, not selling.

It’s about them understanding what you do in a way they can easily grasp so they can connect whether they or someone they know needs you.

That’s it.

What is more, if you’re serious about finding clients, this initial conversation is not about YOU at all.

You’re focused on them, who they are, what they need and what they want. You ask questions, you show a genuine interest in who they are and LISTEN intentionally.

You’re listening to cues that they need what you have.

You’re listening for what they need that someone you know has.

You’re listening to see if they’re business may have a similar clientele as yours.

If they’re a potential client, they’ll make that clear through what they say and no, they wont say “I want to hire you to help me” right there and then.

But seemingly out of the blue they’ll tell you about the ways they’re struggling with exactly what you can help them with.

When that happens, it’s time to invite them into a deeper conversation with you to continue the conversation.

And even then, except in some really obvious and RARE cases, it’s STILL not time to talk sales.

Have that deeper conversation and really get to know them, only then will you know for SURE if it’s time to invite them into a Sales Conversation.

But at the start, online or offline, it’s ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU. Focus on their needs and desires, and don’t focus on the sale. The sale will happen naturally IF it’s aligned.

Promise. ❤

Recently I’ve been reflecting a lot on 5 years ago and my first wonky attempts at sales. Back 5 summers ago when I was just getting use to the idea that I had to sell. I KNEW I did right from the start but man, I really didn’t want to.

It was July when I heard loud and clear in my head, “We don’t want to sell!” To which I replied, “then we have to get a job,” given I’d been laid off a couple months earlier. The response was “Ok, we’ll sell.”

I don’t know about y’all, but when a thought is THAT loud and noticeable, I always pay attention. Given we have 200 conscious thoughts for every 11 MILLION unconscious ones, imagine how loud it is in my subconscious where all our limiting beliefs are stored. Yikes.

Somehow I got my first client even though I was a complete mess internally, and somehow I knew enough about sales to ask questions and figure out if I could help them. But it was all over the place and inside I was so freaked out.

I found an amazing sales coach a few months later and immediately tripled my revenue, and actually — amazingly, stunningly — won a sales competition about 6 months later. I won because I could enroll a multi-thousand dollar package and I would not have won had I not enrolled Pam in a $2500 program.

I went to that sales competition event because I knew if I asked dozens of people for money in a short time, all the little niggling fears and doubts about selling would go away.

And they did, because sales takes practice. Sales takes doing it again and again and again. I’ve probably had 600+ sales conversations over the last 5 years and it’s a BIG part of why I’m so comfortable with it.

But for y’all getting going with sales, or those who’ve been out there selling despite freaking out inside, what I want you to hear is that you CAN get comfortable with sales.

You can get to the point where you are only thinking of the other person during your conversations, instead of your head being filled with chirps of “she’s going to say no,” “she doesn’t have the money,” or “what if she feels pressured”.

You REALLY can — with practice and with the right support. I know you may not be able to see it or believe it yet, but I am living proof and YOU are just like me.

The question really whether you really WANT to get comfortable with Sales.

Our limiting beliefs about sales can be so big that we can distract ourselves with posts and funnels and videos, rather than doing the inner and outer work it takes to get comfortable selling.

<3